Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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