people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
