I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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