he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
