in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
