you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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