Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
