It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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