Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
