Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
