and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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