I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
