well I can't set my house on fire every night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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