When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
