Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
