the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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