It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
