she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
