is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
