just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
