Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude i'm inner monologue high
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
