margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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