I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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