pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
