I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
