oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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