I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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