oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
