So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
