Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
