i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
