You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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