I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
