everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
