new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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