What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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