I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
