I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
