He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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