I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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