also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's the barista slut.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
