I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this boner is exhausting
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
