"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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