There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
