Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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