$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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