Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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