WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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