its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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