Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
