i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
