It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
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Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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