i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my sisters under your porch take her home
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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