I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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