There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
