My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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