You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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