Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
