a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
