Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your dad touched me again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
