We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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