Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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